Do You Belong to Yourself?
Originally Posted on February 22, 2021
Brene Brown says that we are all worthy of belonging. And in short, I agree.
I’ve been toying with the sense that I never belong anywhere. That I’m not meant to.
Recently, a coworker spoke to me about how others perceived me. And it begged the question....why do they care enough to even say anything? And then, why is it that I have such a hard time fitting in everywhere? And ultimately, what if I am never meant to belong?
From an early age I have struggled with keeping up with those my age. I never liked the same thing nor cared to be a part of what they were a part of. It made me an outsider pretty quickly. This sense of detachment has persisted through college and into my adult life.
However, amidst the struggles of navigating relationships as a woman in my thirties, I've come to realize that I even struggle to belong to myself.
During my college years, I maintained the belief that my perceived lack of belonging was a reflection of others' issues, not my own. Yet now, I'm compelled to question whether my inability to belong stems from a deeper lack of self-acceptance.
I've never truly felt worthy in the eyes of others, so why should I seek their validation when I can't even validate myself?
I don’t think I have ever felt good enough. For anyone.
SO WHY SHOULD I WANT OTHERS TO DEEM ME AS GOOD ENOUGH IF I CAN’T EVEN DO THAT FOR MYSELF?
Belonging is a fundamental human need, and many spend their lives pursuing it. I think I just got so caught up trying to pursue it, I've neglected to first belong to myself. I've forgotten the importance of embracing vulnerability, imperfection, and authenticity.
I’ll never belong until I allow myself to be myself.
So I ask you. Have you found yourself seeking validation from others? Have you been trying to be perfect? Have you been faking it till you make it? Have you forgotten to accept yourself? Have you been striving for perfection at the expense of authenticity?