A Renewal
It’s gotten a bit insane here lately with children being out of school, along with some new “frustrations”. As we are navigating some new murky waters, I caught myself looking in the mirror and not seeing myself. I’ve been knee deep in legal paperwork and research feeling the weight of what could happen with our life as we know it right now. As I filed the last bit of my research, I took a deep breathe, handed over the binders of information I had collected, and simply decided to let it all go. I had to let it all go or I was going to be consumed mentally. So, instead of focusing on how to avoid the bad or control it, I’ve decided to embrace it altogether, and live with it.
Here’s the thing about negativity: if you decide to let it rule your life, you will eventually be in a never ending cycle of negativity. And then you’ll realize you didn’t live.
I refuse to do that.
So, I pulled out an old journal entry from the months after my own marriage fell apart, and with some revision, got to work on building up my mental armor. That’s the thing about life, if you let things happen to you instead of creating your own life, you’ll constantly be living at the mercy of others.
I have placed a solid boundary around my mental well being and work every damn day to consistently reenforce said boundary. No one should allowed to have that much power over my days, and for the last three years, I’ve been letting each interaction rip me apart piece by piece until that day in the mirror. The beauty gone. The youthfulness replaced by stress wrinkles. The weight I had put on from emotionally coping. The days came and went without a trace of purpose or intention. My Adam Sandler outfit had become normal daily wear. My hair had been in a bun for months now, and I hadn’t worn make up in so long that when I took stock of what I had, I ended up having to replace half of my old daily routine. I didn’t paint any more and what photographs I did take didn’t have the same spark of energy I used to bring to them. I was reusing old blog articles to fill the void so I wouldn’t lose subscribers.
My old journal entry was written when I was in a space where I could see no purpose or path for my future as most of the things I had been working for up until then were no longer an option. My career, my family, and every bit of what home was supposed to look like was gone, and I was left with a blank slate. I started jotting down some new options for goals and wants now that I had some freedoms I didn’t previously have.
2017 Goals:
Read, Play, Clean, Write, and Body
2024 Goals:
Kids, My Company, Write, Read, and Body
These were some very basic board categories that I wanted to remain true to during each and every one of my days.
So, from there I started to expand on what each of those categories looked like daily. I’m not going to write out what it looked like back then, but I am going to show you what my days look like presently.
Mornings:
Coffee Time w/ my Journal where I write out what my motherhood challenge is for the day and my monthly challenge for my wellbeing. Right now, I am, currently, going through a 30 Day Happiness Challenge that is bringing life back to my bones!
Work Out: I had not worked out in years and so, I went back in my memories to the early 2010s to when I started my health journey before. When I met Eric, I was 122lbs, a daily runner, and went to the gym twice a week. Now, I am 151lbs and struggle to breathe if I exert too much energy at any point in time. So, I started a 30 Day Fat Burning Pin I found on Pinterest back in 2014. It got my ass in gear back then, and I’m hoping it will get my ass back in gear now.
Morning Beauty Routine: There was a day when I wouldn’t leave the house without my hair done and make up on my face. Now, I find all of that exhausting. So, in order to get back into the habit and to go back to the confidence I once felt, I have a skin care routine, style my hair, get dressed properly, and put make up on my face regardless if I leave the house or not. My skin care routine starts with a foaming cleanser, then some witch hazel toner, a vitamin c serum, hyaluronic acid serum, under eye morning cream, and an spf morning moisturizer. I blow out my hair daily, and if it needs it, I straighten it as well. I bought a new wardrobe on Shein with a couple new pairs of shoes so that I had options that weren’t crazy for staying at home, but weren’t clearly pajamas. And lastly, I have added face pore filling primer, concealer, under eye cream concealer, liquid foundation, powder foundation, mascara, eye liner, and setting spray to my make up routine which was actually more costly than my entire wardrobe addition (if you can believe it). I, also, grabbed up some daily multi-vitamins and a couple perfume selections to start my day off differently. I look good, I feel good, and I smell good.
Daily Chores: Every single day, I start the day off completing the same chores. Now, after a month of doing them every day, I don’t even feel like I’m doing a chore at all. I make the bed, clean the bathroom up of all discarded clothing from the night before and wipe down the counter, empty the dishwasher and put used dishes from that morning into the dishwasher, and swap out the laundry, folding the laundry that was finished from the day before. I’ve got the laundry set up in such a way that one load is always being washed, one load is always being dried, and one load is always being folded and put away on a daily basis. Laundry is never going to be done completely so doing a load every day at least means something is being washed.
Mid-Mornings/Afternoons:
Work: I work a couple of hours daily. This allows me to always feel like I’m doing what I need to do to get the work done, but also, not let it consume me. If I wanted to, I could smoosh all of my work into one day a week, but my goal here is to do all of the hours I need to accomplish at the beginning of the month so that I have a little more free time at the end of the month. (If you are confused, my clients are all contracted at an hourly rate and they each pay me once a month for a total number of hours. So, when I complete my hours, I’m move onto the next client’s hours and do what needs to be done for them in that allotted time.)
Blog/Write: After I complete my hours of work for the day, I move on maintaining my blog and writing a little bit for my book. My book is slow going, so a lot of the time, I find myself creating pins for Pinterest to get readers onto my website, and adding edited photos to my Instagram instead of writing. (I have a creative juju issue, remember?) My blog and Pinterest, as well as some of my design templates that I create in this process bring in a side income that is basically passive. I write, people click, they buy something off of somewhere, I make money.
Read: Once all the mandatory work for my income is completed, I read. If I start to read before any of these things, I will not stop and my whole day will go to crap. (I speak from experience.) I read four different types of books at a time: a parenting book, to continue educating myself on how to raise confident, healthy, and kind human beings; an inspirational book, to continue directing my heart on the path it’s supposed to take; a marketing book, to keep my skill set relevant and up to date; and a fictional book, to keep my spirit alive. I rotate these daily until like Thursday, and then my love of fictional realms takes over for the rest of the week until I finish said fictional book.
Kids: Because it’s summer time, I spend the rest of my afternoon with the kids. Before school let out, I made a daily schedule for the months of June and July so that I didn’t have any guess work when it came to living a full life this summer. So, every day the kids wake up around the time I finish reading, I make them breakfast and pack a lunch and we head out on some adventure or do something interesting at home together. We usually don’t get home until dad gets off of work and the kids are so worn out that they don’t have the energy to say the words “I’m bored”. Once they go back to school, this time block will be filled with school pick up and homework instead. (And I cannot tell you how much I’m not looking forward to relearning 8th grade math….)
Evenings:
Daily Chores: I know that we had chores earlier in the day, but there are a set of chores that I call “closing up shop” so that I wake up in the morning with a relatively clean home. We eat together as a family every single night. I would say it’s mandatory, but as it’s summer, some of the kids are sometimes passed out after one of our afternoon adventures, and others haven’t even awoken yet for the day as they went to sleep earlier that morning, but dinnertime at our house is extremely important. Not that Eric and I made it so, but it’s the kids who have mandated that we eat together every day. They actually get genuinely upset if we don’t. After dinner, I load the dishwasher and wipe down the kitchen counters and dining room table making sure that the kitchen is closed and that I can clock out by the time bed time rolls around. The kiddos know that no food is to be made after 10pm each night as the last thing I want to wake up to is a dirty kitchen. I then run through the house real quick and put everything away. This sounds like a lot, but more often than not, I just have to fold a couple of blankets in the living room and put away dog toys. Lastly, I spot vacuum or mop, depending on what’s needed. Sometimes, the dogs are shedding their coats and so I will just run around with the vacuum just to gather up the tumbleweeds of hair I find. Other times, I’m just cleaning up the mess made from cooking dinner. And more often than not, I’m just picking a room because nothing really needs to be done at all, and I just cover a room and call it a day. This whole closing up shop process never takes me more than half an hour and it really makes a huge difference in the morning.
Evening Run: Once the food has digested, I throw on my running shoes and I head outside. I believe that HIIT workouts do a hell of lot more in a lesser amount of time. So, I run to my playlist. Meaning, I speed walk the whole first song. Then I lightly job starting on the next, then I jog a little faster after the first chorus, sprint during the bring, and then bring it down to a light jog until the second song is over. I do this same cycle of light jog, fast jog, sprint, and light jog for as many songs as I can, and end my run with a walk back home to the last song. What this means to me? Every work out is actually different because every song I listen to is different. And man, some songs are freaking long…..
Evening Hygiene Routine: After my run, I always shower off the sweat. I used to just grab a quick shower and get out, but now I have a nightly routine of shaving my legs daily, exfoliating, and scrubbing my feet with a pumice stone. I do all of this with a shower steamer that usually calms my nerves or in a hot bath with an aromatherapy bath bomb. Both take away the stress of the daily and put it into perspective. Yes, it’s a lot for one day, but I look forward to a relaxing shower or bath at the end, and I’m set for the day. After my shower, I brush, floss, mouthwash, and scrub my tongue, wash my face with make up remover, add nighttime moisturizer to my face as well as a little bit of retinol cream, take a melatonin, brush my hair out and braid it, put on deodorant and perfume, and lotion up my entire body.
Meditate: After all the hooplah of my hygiene practice, I jump into bed and get myself situated comfortably for some time of meditation. This has been a game changer because it allows me to release the problems of that day before I close my eyes. I pick out some lofi instrumentals and get started with analyzing my body and how each individual part feels and letting it go. Then I turn to the sounds around me and release those as well. Then I concentrate on just purely breathing. As thoughts land in my way, I breathe them away. This all sounds like a bunch of crazy, but when I say how often I have used this practice during the day to release myself of unwanted thoughts, issues, and feelings it’s changed the way I react, respond, and handle the things happening to me so that I can remain true to the things I want for me instead.
Weekly Tasks: The above is a look at my daily life, but there are some things that I only do once a week.
Mondays:
Read a Chapter on Parenting: I read a different type of book every single day, but on Mondays I read a chapter in a parenting book. I grab up books I feel collide with my style of parenting or that talk about the psychology behind children or teenage behaviors. I feel like a lot of this knowledge could be gained from the internet, but at the same time, I find the isolated subject good for those moments when something happens and I don’t know how to handle it. I turn to someone who has a PhD instead of trying to just run through the experience by the seat of my pants.
Grocery Shopping: I hate to grocery shop. So I order from Instacart. And I took the time to create five grocery lists that I use in a rotation so that I don’t have to think about what’s for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. It takes up way too much of my brain cells to think about that every day. So I don’t. I follow a set schedule and buy the things on that list for that week. Make it easy.
Social Self Care: Every day, I do something on my self care check list. My list has six categories: social, physical, intellectual, spiritual, emotional, and relational. Social Self Care is the nurturing of relationships outside of your immediate family. Neighbors, friends, co-workers, church members, community, support, and online groups. Some things I do are: Call or text a friend, hang out with a friend, or go on social media and strike up a conversation with someone.
Deep Vacuum: Every day I do one big item cleaning task. This one usually takes the life out of me because we have four pups, but it means that my base boards are vacuumed, the inside of my dryer vent, and my air filter cover.
Tuesdays:
Read a Chapter of Something Inspirational: On Tuesdays, I read something that helps me become a better human being. This practice usually grounds me and allows me to refocus some of the unhealthy tendencies I have. I’ve been through a lot of mental warfare, and I simply have not healed enough. And so, I hope to heal myself piece by piece with each chapter.
Physical Self Care: Physical self care is activities done for the physical well being such as being active, making good food choices, proper sleep, and rest/relaxation. Some things I do are: go for a walk, bike ride, take a hike, go in the pool, and take a bath.
Mirrors and Windows: I run through the house and quickly wipe down all the bathroom mirrors, windows, and sliders.
Wednesdays:
Read a Chapter About Marketing: On Wednesdays, I brush up on marketing techniques, ideas, and skills. I grab books all the time about different ways to use social media, how to build strategies, and the best way to influence people to love your brand.
Intellectual Self Care: Intellectual self care is a way to find opportunities to engage in my critical thinking, grow my knowledge base, and stimulate my mind. Some things I do are: watch a TedTalk, read, go an online workshop or certification course, or watch a YouTube to learn a new skill.
Toilets & Tubs: Simply what it says, I clean up the two toilets we have in the house, scrub down the kid’s tub, and do a quick clean up of our shower.
Thursdays:
Read to Read: Alas, I get to reward my hard work of reading different material by gobbling up fictional goodness for the next four days….(“Hello faerie smut.”)
Spiritual Self Care: This is where I get to explore and express my beliefs, morals and values. I do things like: go outside to just breathe in the air, write the things I’m grateful for, practice positive talk for the day, or meditate
Weekly Hygiene Check Up: On Thursdays, I do a moment of just general maintenance on my body. I clip my nails and file them, pluck my eyebrows, do a facial mask, paint my nails, and do a hair mask.
Date Night: Once a week, Eric and I take the time to go out and enjoy each other, but it’s not the typical out to eat and then home again date night. We experience things like Top Golf, escape rooms, motocycle rides, and live shows.
Fridays:
Budgeting: Once a week, I pay my bills. I pay my bills in weekly increments so that its never a huge hit on my wallet, but I, also, usually have my bills paid well before they are due. This allows me to budget differently and more intentionally.
Emotional Self Care: This is where I get to take some time for my emotional state. As in an emotional check up of sorts. I do things like: watch a comfort movie, take time to talk about my feelings, and take a moment to tell someone or just myself that I love them.
Budget: Every week I take a moment to look through all of my financials and add them into my Budget Spreadsheet so that I can keep up with the management of my funds as well as see where I’m making progress in my financial goals.
Swing Clean Day: Every Friday is different when it comes to my chore list. I swap between wiping down all of the furniture and cabinets, scrubbing the kitchen appliances, wiping (or mopping) down the walls, mouldings, and doors, and spot cleaning upholstery and rugs.
This plan seems vast but after a couple of weeks of this, it’s like clockwork which makes my ADHD feel satisfied as I accomplish my routines daily. Plus, I have purpose. Genuine purpose.