I Hope You Find the Will to Walk Away

Attempting boundaries this month.

That’s hard. Because when you love someone, you wanna keep showing grace upon grace. But sometimes the way someone treats you tends to mess with your worth. And in that moment, when the lack of worth sucks the life out of you, you need boundaries. Because if not, you will lose you.

I am doing my best to do what is right for me. For my self worth. And I have been letting someone selfishly rob me of my self worth for months now.

Like a cycle, they walk back in, love on me, get what they needed from me, and then slowly day after day, I would hear from them less and less. They were busy. They tended to only need me for when they were lonely. And then I would walk away. For only a little while. And then I would miss them and let them try again. Because I honestly wanted them in my life.

It was a vicious cycle. I let them put me on a shelf for when it was convenient for them to have me in their life. Continuously.

And that sentence alone makes me angry. Because I used to be a strong woman and some how I have become weak. Oh so weak. I used to be a badass woman with this unremarkable ability to not let anyone sabotage my confidence. But there is something so impeccably gut wrenching about trying to love yourself when the person that you love doesn’t love you.

And as much as I know my worth and understand what I deserve, I give it all up for one second with them. Every time. Which is ridiculous. Because what is the point of a relationship at all if you are only half loved, part of the time?

So women, if you are like me and have found yourself in a circumstance where a man cannot adequately love you, I hope that you find the strength to set a boundary and set yourself free.

I know you may love him and he might love you but right now, he isn’t treating you like he loves you. He doesn’t know how to. Right now he only sees what it is he needs out of you and this relationship and he is using you selfishly.

And you deserve to be someone’s whole world. You deserve a love that is proud of you. For a man to never hide you or treat you like you are last on his list of priorities. You deserve his time. You deserve for him to free up his time to make room for you in his life. You deserve his effort. You deserve to be dated. You deserve to have a man tell you that you are beautiful. You deserve for a man to want you every day. You deserve to have confidence in his love for you. You deserve honesty and trust and faithfulness. You deserve to be his only woman. You deserve that good morning kiss, that middle of the day “how are you” and that good night and “I love you.” You deserve to be supported and provided for and to know every day that you will be taken care of. Baby girl, you deserve respect. You deserve love. Real love. Not text message love. Not sexting love. Not sexual love. Not part time love. Not half assed love. Not hidden love. Real, every day, I choose you love.

I hope you find the will to walk away from any thing less than that.

I did that today.

And men. If you are reading this, she deserves your love. All of it. Every day. Choose her. Love her. Make time for her. She’s worth it.

Till later, friends.

And be BEAUTIFULLY you.

**Disclaimer: I am writing this highly inebriated and teary eyed. Forgive me. I will fix all the wine’s mistakes in the morning.

…worth it.