Evidently, there’s a speck in my eye.

I have been thinking lately about character.

It's easy to pinpoint a flaw in a person. We are so quick to whip out criticism and to tell somebody who they are. But when we do, do we take the time to understand how that will impact a persons life? Or do we brush our shoulders of it and think it will only hurt for a moment? And if we could see how our criticism played out, as if it was a film trailer, in the heads for our victim, would we still choose to say it?

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye."

Jesus said this and it makes me think he understood the imperfection of the world. And as he says, how can we see clearly until we accept fully our own flaws. But what if the reality is, we can never clearly define all of our flaws? Does that mean we should never criticize?

As imperfect as I am, it's easy for me to call out a person on their shit. But what gives me that right? Is that the purpose laid on my life? To identify for others their character flaws?

I think not. And I wouldn't call that love.

There's this point in your life where you reach an understanding of who you are. You get this kind of rock solid foundation that you have built over the years that helps you identify your flaws, articulate your intentions, and build a foundation of your own path. And when you get to that point, you recognize that you ain't shit.

Which is humbling because you collectively recognize that along with not being shit, you don't know everything either. You thought you'd know exactly where you'd be at three decades into your life when you were 19 and then you get there ten years later, and fuck, it's nothing like you had planned.

It's there, in that moment, where you start to live life with the view that anything could happen, people change, and you change. But it's also there where you become a lot more forgiving of others because you have gained a new understanding of life. Shit happens. Life sometimes sucks, but in the end, what it all comes down to is that people are human and imperfect and so is life.

So why do we allow others to push us into their opinion of perfect? And when we finally figure out who we are as people, why do we allow the definition of perfection to be our guideline when there isn't a single person that is equipped to be perfect? And why do we pressure the people closest to us to be perfect for us even at their detriment? When we can clearly see it's not helping, it's just hurting?

The simple truth is that we aren't destined to point out people's shit. There are therapists we pay for that. We've been called to love them in spite of it.

Lately, I have been deeply introspective about my character. Am I really the most selfish being on earth or am I trying to survive and thrive for my kids? Am I really crazy, or am I just reacting to some injustice and pain? Am I really anything that anyone says to me? And if so, how do I figure out what is the truth?

Honestly, it's messed me up so horribly lately that I wonder, has everything I have worked hard to become this year gone to shit? Have I not pursued a life of grace like I set out to live? Have I not been generous enough? Have I not filled people's life with joy? Have I not listened and cried for and supported enough? Have I not actually loved well?

When the moment came that my cup was empty and I had no more to give, why was it that everything I had been up until that point, it vanished from memory? And why wasn't it okay for me to not be okay and to not be perfect for a moment? Did I deserve to have my character criticized because I couldn't live up to their standard of who I was? Or did I just have a moment where I could only be human?

To what point should we allow the voices of others to pierce the one within? How do we sift through what is truth and what is purely perception? And what happens within when you get pounded enough with criticism that it messes with you?

And honestly, why do we give people the right to point out our specks or planks or whatever's?

I think Jesus was on to something when He summed up the simple fact that it is never our place to pass our judgement or our thought about someone on to them because he knew we could never clearly see all of our own blind spots.